The main thing to remember about ANGER !: anger is a “cover-up”emotion!
Face it. Anger, with all its adrenaline-pumping, cave-woman uber-energy, feels good!
And all the feelings anger covers up, such as fear, rejection, and sadness, feel yucky!
Every single one of us is born with defense protections—repression, denial, sublimation, to name a few—for an excellent purpose. Survival.
Infants, toddlers, children, and even, yes, adolescents, need those built-in defenses, because we have not yet learned how to protect ourselves from all the people and events and occasions which wait in readiness to wound us.
In reality, every family is a wounding environment. Parents say, “No!”, or sound and act preoccupied, or tease. Siblings actually torment, on occasion. Neighborhood children can also excel at torment and bullying. Teachers display impatience, and classmates tease, torment and bully whenever they sense vulnerability.
Anger steps up to the plate when we feel hurt or frightened. Because the process begins so early, by adulthood, we are completely unaware of how quickly we whip out that protective anger, and neglect to feel the genuine feelings of abandonment, fear of loss, grief, or whatever “yucky” feeling we authentically need to feel in order to transform in to the best person we want to be!
The challenge: learn to remember that anger covers up the feelings you need to feel in order to grow, and feel them. This means setting aside your anger, which is so difficult. The process will take time and hard work, so be gentle with yourself, and be rewarded as you take charge of your anger.
Face it. Anger, with all its adrenaline-pumping, cave-woman uber-energy, feels good!
And all the feelings anger covers up, such as fear, rejection, and sadness, feel yucky!
Every single one of us is born with defense protections—repression, denial, sublimation, to name a few—for an excellent purpose. Survival.
Infants, toddlers, children, and even, yes, adolescents, need those built-in defenses, because we have not yet learned how to protect ourselves from all the people and events and occasions which wait in readiness to wound us.
In reality, every family is a wounding environment. Parents say, “No!”, or sound and act preoccupied, or tease. Siblings actually torment, on occasion. Neighborhood children can also excel at torment and bullying. Teachers display impatience, and classmates tease, torment and bully whenever they sense vulnerability.
Anger steps up to the plate when we feel hurt or frightened. Because the process begins so early, by adulthood, we are completely unaware of how quickly we whip out that protective anger, and neglect to feel the genuine feelings of abandonment, fear of loss, grief, or whatever “yucky” feeling we authentically need to feel in order to transform in to the best person we want to be!
The challenge: learn to remember that anger covers up the feelings you need to feel in order to grow, and feel them. This means setting aside your anger, which is so difficult. The process will take time and hard work, so be gentle with yourself, and be rewarded as you take charge of your anger.
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